Lower Your Expectations (And Everyone Else's Too)

Claire: [00:00:00] I don't know who started this myth that it is a tragedy to not be present for your child's first time doing X, Y, and Z, because that is impossible. And if you are there, you don't even notice it, and you're not going to remember it. It'll be the first time that you see it happen, but it's not like your kid is going to be like, Mom wasn't there the first time I lifted my head up on my own, so time to do meth.

Quinn: Welcome to Not Right Now, the podcast about parenting through all of this.

Claire:We'll be talking about slash crashing out over topics like

Quinn: Gender identity and why they won't wear a coat.

Claire: School shooting drills, and forgotten P. E. clothes.

Quinn: It's not an advice show.

Claire: It's a you're not alone, and you're also not crazy for screaming in the shower kind of show.

I'm Claire Zulkey from Evil Witches.

Quinn: And I'm Quinn Emmett from Important Not Important.

Claire: You can find details on [00:01:00] anything we talk about in the show notes or at our website, not right now dot show

Quinn: dot show. And if you like what you hear today, please share it with a parent who needs it or who might laugh and tell their kids to be quiet and then drop us a nice little five star review.

Claire: And reminder, you can send questions or feedback to questions at not right now dot show.

You are not a single parent, but you are solo parenting. Your wife has gone for a while.

How has it been going? What are your mechanisms for, you know, getting through, we all parent differently when we are the only person there. So how has it been going and how are your kids doing?

Quinn: Yeah, I'm excited to talk about this. It's not just timely for me, obviously, you know, I think it's ever present for a lot of folks all the time for a huge variety of reasons. You know, it changes over time. I try not to be Mad Dad the whole time. This is a long [00:02:00] one. So when the kids were, you know, whatever it was four or five, six, I don't fucking know, something like that.

We were still in LA. She was show-running the first season of her new TV show called Home Before Dark on Apple, criminally underwatched. and she was up in Vancouver, and we never found the right version of this, but we might've actually adjusted to it this time. And again, the kids are very young, so they didn't understand time, it went on for, I don't know, four or five, six months. She would leave on Sunday afternoon, cause they started shooting at 6 AM Monday morning, go up to Vancouver and then she would fly back on like Saturday afternoons because they would, you know, on Fridays basically you can go shoot as long as you need to. So they would finish at one in the morning or something. Fly back Saturday afternoon, she would meet us at the kids soccer practice and they would unleash all of their emotions and then wake up the next day and it was a few hours until Mommy left again.

And we never figured out, is that better or worse than mom's just gone. [00:03:00] And this is a much shorter version of it. So this is a total of, I don't know, 12, 13 days and we thought about a break in the middle. It's farther, she's in L.A., she's doing all the Wicked stuff. But I was like, it's too much.

It's too much. It's the same reason I didn't go. I was like, so I can go to two two hour events like five days apart.

I'm not gonna go back and forth. You know, it's not worth it. So, you know, on the one hand. And I'm sure my children would completely disagree with this, like they prefer their mom, which they should but I do, I like to think that it's a little simpler because there's only one voice. And they're like, you know, pretty quickly, they're like, okay, there's nowhere to run.

Though we did get the home phone and they have called her 77 times over the past week. I just walked by and they're just complaining about me, which again, fine, healthy. That's great. But she's like, sorry guys, I can't really do shit about it.

But I'm sure they would prefer if it wasn't my one voice, as opposed to hers. But, yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's so busy [00:04:00] now, there's not a lot of killing time like we used to have when they were little. You know, they got school, they're out the door. I'm still fighting with them to put on a rain jacket.

You know, this morning, it's been pissing cold rain for four days, and this morning one of them was like walking out the door and I said, no, no, no, no, you've already got like a cough, please put on your rain jacket, come back inside and get it. He goes, It's in my backpack. Why? What? But it's raining now.

You're in the rain now. He goes, I know, but I'm going to dry off. Could you put it on? Comes back inside. Doesn't put it on. Goes back outside. What are you, what are you doing?

I was like, I'm out. Because the big thing we've talked about a lot recently, I was talking to my wife remotely was, they're at the age now where especially when someone is solo parenting, not single parenting. But especially, especially if someone is a single parent, like kids get to the age where I do believe they have to be responsible for their actions if it's going to affect anyone else in the family.

Claire: Yeah.

Quinn: Right? Which is like great, you can procrastinate and get [00:05:00] a shitty grade like that's on you. But you can't yell at me to take you to buy Valentine's the night before when like I got shit to do. I got two other kids to drive places, bud.

So anyways, but also if you get sicker, that's my problem. So put on the fucking rain jacket.

Claire: Every parent reserves the right to, you know, choose the mountain they die on or not die on. And yeah, if you don't put on the rain jacket most days, it's no big deal. But also if that is like the tipping point and you've been an asshole repeatedly for several days or whatever, and this is like the 122nd time, like you are allowed to snap and go off, you know?

But I was laughing because I just saw a newsletter about here's the science behind why your kid refuses to wear a coat. And I just wanted to, I really wanted to like, to comment back. Is it because they're a dick? I don't I care.

Quinn: It's a one line article. Are you fucking kidding me?

Claire: Yeah. I seriously don't care.

Quinn: Cause he thinks there's better than a coat. Great. You're a fucking idiot. You're wrong in a thousand different ways. So I would love to use your New York Times article from [00:06:00] 2019 which was, everything was great, to sort of guide this conversation in some way.

Cause I thought your tips were very relevant and evergreen, but obviously again they change for everybody all the time and it depends on their age and things like that. But it's really mostly about our partners. Right?

Claire: Yeah. Well, and also what we think is important as parents versus what actually is important. And I think a little bit about main character syndrome as well, as parents. You know, like I remember learning the hard way and this is something that probably inspired this article, I think it was one day where the kids, we'd done all the things and they were quietly watching a TV show and my husband was somewhere and he said, can we Zoom right now?

Can we FaceTime? And, you know, the kids didn't want to get off the screens and of course they are idiots in front of the computer and they don't want to talk, you know, and I was like, no, we can't like, and ever since then we've kind of had a when you're gone you're gone kind of mentality like you can save up all your great stories, if you want to, and [00:07:00] even now with our older kid you can text him, but it is just harder to maintain a level of communication and, you know, the parent who's away may feel like they are missed or that it provides some kind of connection to the kids.

But honestly, it is like a lot easier to just have an executive order and kids don't communicate the way, you know, that we would like to think that like mommy, you know, and talk about their day and things like that. That's not really how that works. So, and another one was souvenirs.

Cause my husband would come home with pieces of shit he'd bought at the airport, like a magnet, you know, and I would be pissed even though this is so trifling, but if you've been there, you understand. I have been doing all the joyless, thankless tasks and the feeding and the bedtime and the driving and whatnot.

And then he comes home with something he got from the airport and he's Mr. Fun Dad with the present that, you know, and if you looked in our sidebar later about how my husband wants to bring home a drum set and I'm like, where is that going to go right now? But you know, they don't need stuff and I didn't really appreciate that he comes home and he's the fun dad with the [00:08:00] presents where I'm like, I'm the bitch who's been like, you know, fish sticks for dinner again, you know, so, yeah, these are weird little things that you wouldn't think about. And then one more rant before I stop talking. You were saying like, having your wife show up to soccer you know, kids don't, I don't wanna say this across the board, but being at soccer is sort of less important than the getting the stuff together and driving them to soccer and, you know, taking them home.

So, you know, like kind of you start to evaluate what really is important from the care taking point of view versus the presence point of view. But yeah, that was a fun piece because I got to talk to, there was a parent who had a military spouse a who was gone a lot.

And I talked to a gay couple and the dynamics slightly of two dads, you know, versus a mom and a dad were pretty interesting.

Quinn: Well, it's all so crazy, and it's like, do you have a choice? Is this a work you chose? There's so many different things. So let's talk about your first tip here. Arrive and depart conscientiously. [00:09:00] What have you guys learned about how your family does it? And like, where have the landmines been that you've lost legs to?

Claire: Well, my kids are not crazy anxious and would not meltdown per se. My husband's one who travels more than me, but it is the coming home that can be tricky. And I would find that if he got home right around bedtime, that would be pretty stressful for me because you get so close to the end zone and then dad's home and then you're set back 15 yards cause they're all fired up and you know, and he has all his stuff and his like outside smell and you know, his own energy.

And you're kind of like, I wish you could have just stayed out and had dinner and waited until they were asleep. Even if you want to see them.

Quinn: I think we learned something similar. We've definitely had the same thing, I'm gonna blow in right when they're going to bed and it's gonna be great. I understand the sentimentality, but it's a fucking nightmare for everyone involved every time.

It got to the point where I, if she was the one coming home, and I travel a lot less than her for a variety of reasons, but [00:10:00] I would just be like, okay, good luck.

I'm just going to go for a long fucking walk and you can tell me once they're in bed in four fucking hours or whatever it is once they've calmed down.

Again, I get it. You want to see them. It seems sweet. It's not. It's not great.

Claire: Yeah. That's something else that I appreciated from working on that article, talking to a military spouse, that a mom said that just like standing out with like the big military homecoming is like great for a commercial, you know, but in reality, she talked about waiting there in the rain with her toddlers, waiting for the bus to show up to the base.

And she was like, we don't do that anymore. It is way more low key. The payoff is just not great. Like when it comes to the kids in their routine. So, yeah, I think, if you have kids who are really anxious about having a parent go away, having a big sendoff might not be the best routine, you know, a quiet, Irish goodbye kind of situation.

Quinn: Leave at four in the morning. It sounds terrible, sorry. They're gone.

Claire: Yeah, our younger kid, the ADHD one who you [00:11:00] know, he gives us a lot of wonderful, he keeps us busy.

But yeah, he'll ask my husband, he’ll be like wake me up to say goodbye. And, and I'm like, Okay, but actually, no, we're not doing that.

Quinn: No, no, no. Because then, guess what? You're gone. And I'm dealing with a child who's up two hours, yeah, that's a no.

Claire: And, there are two different points of view about the parent who is working and they have their work stress, but the parent who is home has the kids stress. And frankly, being able to work without having to put someone to bed or just the idea of having your workday be over sounds really nice.

So you get a little bit of disagreement about who has it harder. And to a certain extent, my husband and I don't even talk, like we used to catch up when he was out of town and we just stopped because I was like, we don't want to get into the battle of who's more tired or who's more stressed out.

Quinn: And you, those are just so inevitable, and we definitely had one. My wife was making a movie in New York, and the kids were, the third one didn't exist. But the first two were two and a half and one or some shit. And [00:12:00] we had to live in New York in a rented apartment. And, she was shooting a lot of nights because it was like a young people movie. It was a shit show. But these children cried themselves to sleep for three hours every night.

Not just because she's gone, but because they're in a fucking strange place in the city. And same thing. She'd be like, oh, I've had a long day. And I'd be like, oh, yeah, how’d that fucking go for you? You know and it was gnarly but I would also feel bad like I sent her at one point a video of our daughter, you know the like little things they would learn to walk with, with the little wheels? And I sent her a video of our daughter doing that for the first time. And she basically quit the movie. And was like, I'm walking off set. What the fuck? What are the choices I've made? What a disaster. This and this. I was like, no, no, no, no, don't do it. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna, like, who cares?

But it can suck for everybody involved. But like you said, those fights about who's most tired. Once you get over needing to have those and the knowledge that it just kind of sucks all around and it's part of it, it's so much easier to just not do that.

Claire: Yeah. [00:13:00] I'd like to put it out there, sort of related, that I don't know who started this myth that it is a tragedy to not be present for your child's first time doing X, Y, and Z, because that is impossible. And if you are there, you don't even notice it, and you're not going to remember it. It'll be the first time that you see it happen, but it's not like your kid is going to be like, Mom wasn't there the first time I lifted my head up on my own, so time to do meth, like that's you know, somebody put that out there in the world and just to make parents probably feel bad about putting their kids in daycare or something like that.

But your kids are never more delightful and beautiful and sweet as when you're not there. So I'm sure you at the time when you watch your daughter doing that there was all kinds of bullshit surrounding that probably made it less adorable. But then to your wife since it happened in a vacuum, it was the sweetest, most dear thing that ever happened.

Quinn: Right. She comes running home from set, but what was not in the video, I'm sure, my child had covered her t-shirt in poop at the same time. Yeah, she's walking, but it's a fucking time bomb. [00:14:00] You know, it's a lot, you know, speaking of the departing though. We used to really struggle with when do you tell them mom or dad is going on a trip? Do you tell them a week out? A day out? When they're leaving? Is there a sweet spot? I guess it depends on your kids.

Claire: It's kind of funny because my husband is the one with the anxiety. So he would kind of be the one to be like, Oh, I got to get on the plane soon. So it's sort of like in the air in general. And then the suitcase is out. So they know what's going to happen. And so, I really do count my blessings very often. My kids are not crazy, super anxious. Cause I know it can be a big deal. And I'm thankful for that. So it just kind of lives in the air a little bit, but they're sort of, you know, my younger son will suddenly sort of all of a sudden give a shit on the way out the door.

But otherwise they are like, Oh, okay. You know, it's another thing that's happening, but they're not too interested in it.

Quinn: I love to [00:15:00] inadvertently make them feel like shit for being sad that mom's leaving. You know, I'll be like, you guys don't react that way when all they have is like their primal instincts about the person who they've lived inside of for nine and a half months, you know, and I'm like, that's not fair to her.

And they're like, well, I'm eight. So that's all I got. And I'm like, take a step back an hour later. I'm like, God damn it. Right. That's going to be another therapy bill I'm paying for.

Claire: I have a little card that my son wrote me, it says happy day back. And it was, I went on like a writing retreat with some friends and he wrote dear mom, I'm glad you had fun, but I'm glad you came back. And that was like the nicest.

Quinn: That’s great!

Claire: Yeah, that was exactly how you want a kid to feel.

Quinn: Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. And. I don't leave that often for a variety of, like, sentimental reasons. Also, I fucking hate flying and everything's a pain in the ass. When I do get away, it's usually like truly a guy's weekend. It's one of my best friends or two, and [00:16:00] it's lying on a couch playing an eighties video game.

There's no alcohol. It's just pasta basically. And maybe some gummies. I'm under no illusions that they miss me while I'm gone. I think they're probably like, fuck yeah, we got Fun Mom 24/7. That's amazing.

But that leads me into your next heading here, which is don't meddle. What were your lessons learned on that one?

Claire: When the parent is gone, they're gone and you cannot from afar have your insight over how you should raise the kids while you were gone. And so like for me, I don't really prefer to take the kids out to eat that much. I just, I think I did more when I was a drinker, cause there was something about going out to eat and working on that nice big glass of Sauvignon Blanc that was my reward. And now unless I have a friend with me or some other kids there, you know, it's just parenting, but with more money and out in public, and I don't need that. So we eat at home a lot more. My husband, on the other hand, doesn't prefer to fix meals that much. So he takes the kids out a lot.

[00:17:00] And, you know, I think in earlier days I would have had a little bit of grumbling about the cost and the calories and the junk. Cause I'm like, when my kids go out to eat, they're not eating tofu and vegetables, it’s hamburgers and hot dogs, you know, whatever. But I'm not there. So it's not for me to say or give input on how he should be doing that, you know, or I might come home and if I could raise one eyebrow, I would, about how the laundry didn't get kept up with the way that I would while he was gone, but I wasn't there. That's your, sort of the price you pay is if you're not there, you cannot run the house from afar. And something that I thought was interesting from the article that was almost like, I don't know if passive aggressive is the right way to say this, but I know I have a friend who would make meals and freeze them for her family before she'd go out of town or another one who would like schedule stuff for the kids and her husband was like you know what this says to me that you don't trust me like you don't think I can run things, so you know I think that is [00:18:00] maybe on its own, just let them figure out plans or not, like you either learn the hard way that if you don't have something to do, then you're bored, but you know, otherwise, if you're traveling and you're like, they better not forget that I set up this play date or that the lasagna is in the freezer, then that's also, you know, a pain in the ass for you. And you're nagging in absentia, which is not fun.

Quinn: Yeah, so I'm the bad guy in that whole situation. The few times I do go away and again, I am fully aware of it. I'm aware I'm doing it in the moment. It's one of those like Homer Simpson, don't say it, don't say it, don't say it. And then you're like, why didn't they go to the swim practice? And you're like. Show me how that's helpful. Show me how that's made anything about the person at home who's taking care of these three morons and going to all the different shit, any better. Were you there for the tirade beforehand? Where they’re faking leg cramps? No. Fuck you. And I earn every part of that.

Even, so we graduated in our relationship from, my wife really, she didn't understand my need and I don't think I [00:19:00] truly understand my need to work out every day early in our relationship. And now it's please leave and go for a run because it's better for everyone. Just the fact that you're not here is better for everyone.

But then also you come back with the good chemicals and everybody wins. But you know now, it was like a week ago, you know, she said, Please just go to the gym and do everything you need to do, for however long it takes. I'm gonna take the kids and like a friend, I'm like, that's a lot, and I thought I was being helpful.

I was not, turns out, being helpful. 10 minutes into it, not even, they weren't even out of the neighborhood. And I call them from the other car I'm getting into and I go, tell you what, why don't I meet you guys for lunch first? And then you can go to this thing.

Claire: Ah, the options, yes.

Quinn: Not only is it options, but of course she picked up in the car while the kids are on speakerphone. So now they know that there's an option, which is like parenting 101. Like you don't fucking talk about the options in front of them. And she had already sold them on a whole plan and she was confident and she was like, I'm going to do this. And then I [00:20:00] just, grenade.

From afar, thought it was fun. And later, you know, she's like, why do you have to do that?

And I'm like, I don't totally know, to be totally honest, I would like to not have to do that. And again, that wasn't even the like why didn't they go to practice or why'd they just eat shit at grandma's thing? It was truly like, I was like, oh, I thought I was being helpful. And it's like, no, if you're not there, you're out. That is so much easier to just do. I do think, and you know, we can talk about the military thing too because this area is super really heavy military. My buddy's a submarine captain and leaves for a year at a time and all this stuff. But one thing I always want to be conscious about talking about this stuff, not only just single parents or military spouse, whichever way it goes, or both, is also like the difficulties of the parent being left behind or the parent you're leaving when there's a chronically ill kid. Right? Of any kind. A child who is struggling in any way. Right? We have a friend whose child [00:21:00] gets a shot in their eye once a week. You know? And has gotten that from two to seven.

And you, it's a lot to leave. Because you were leaving somebody with some hard shit. Did you talk to anyone like that? Or have you experienced anything like that with the blog? I always want to keep in mind, it's not just oh, we can fucking Instacart whatever we want and make it easy and they won't go to bed.

Claire: I mean, there's so many varieties that I have a friend whose kid has anxiety that makes her extremely school averse and you know, like her parents have had to pick her up and bring her to the car to take her to school. And there's like this whole I mean, that's not as dramatic as the shot in the eye or a kid who has to have a feeding tube, you know, but like the management around that and the parents reaction to that and kind of figuring out like how much now do we put our foot down, you know, about normality and routine versus like it's time for a mental health day for us all, and like the world at large, it's funny, I wrote a piece about this a long time ago that before I had kids, my coworker who was a single mom, to me, it seemed like she was always out with a sick [00:22:00] kid.

And I would sort of be like, Kim's out again. Okay. And then I got a kid and I realized if you don't have kids, you cannot grasp how often they are sick. It's astounding how frequently.

Quinn: Yeah, I've got three. Someone is sick all the time.

Claire: And you're like, I would rather be at work.

A hundred percent. I'd rather be at the office, like dealing with Linda's bullshit than being home with my sick kid. I'm not glad the election happened, but I finally been knocked offline enough that I have ceased sort of engaging in these conversations, but it is so easy to go online and find people who, I mean, not to take anything away from people who don't have kids, like they have their own struggles and the systems are fucked, but you know, there's so easy to find people who are like, I have to do all this work because of my coworkers kid was sick again because they decided to have kids and I shouldn't, you know, and so to not even have another spouse to come home, to always be the on call parent for that. I can't even you know, I wish I had a jar I could put I'm sorry money into that goes to all the parents.

Quinn: I mean, we had to go to two [00:23:00] allergy appointments last week and then a different kid which fucked up my workout time. And then my other kid, we finally started like three weeks late, antibiotics for a sinus infection that he's clearly had for like a fucking month. And doing chilled antibiotics out of a syringe, twice a day.

And I'm just like, there's not a lot left in the tank here. Are you fucking kidding me? But no, it's the parent with the constantly sick kid, much less a single or solo parenting parent or whatever the situation is. Or by the way, you might have your own shit also. Cause we've all got something.

Claire: Oh my God. The Long Covid parents, like where you're like, oh man. I thought I kind of just had long-term Covid just by being a parent, but then to hear like the, you know, if like Lyme disease or the long-term Covid, you're like, when you can't get out of bed, you know, I can't even imagine.

No, just back to the, like the options and the checking in or just being gone when you're gone. My husband, he's gotten better, but he didn't always used to go out as much as I wanted him to, because I [00:24:00] started to take my time with no apologies. I have no sisters, no daughters, no, like I need my friend time.

And for a long time, he would go out to something and he would ask me repeatedly, are you sure if it's okay? And I, it would have been my idea. And I would get kind of, I would get mad. I'm like, who do you think I am? You think I'm not capable? Or just cause I complain about the kids or I'm resentful.

You think I would rather you be here? Like you're gone. So like I would turn from being like fine with him being gone to almost being angry that he was checking to make sure that it was okay. And yes don't ever call your spouse in the car with the kids unless it's an emergency. Unless you're telling them to turn around.

Quinn: Yeah. And even then, revisit what emergency means to you because it's just not, fucking their entire existence right now is an emergency.

Yeah, I mean, it's a hard one because you have to separate yourself quite physically and mentally and intentionally from the day to day where you two struggle throughout most things and go okay, my guilt, if any, of [00:25:00] not partaking in this hour or day or 10 days, whatever it is versus their capabilities.

And are they going to run out of steam and how will they handle this? And that kid better not be a dick to them, et cetera, et cetera. It's a lot. And again, it's a process and you hopefully figure it out better. But again, I think of, you know, all the military people around here and my buddy, you know, so he was ROTC 18 years old, Notre Dame. Signed up for the subs like these children don't know any other life. This is what it was gonna be and he met his wife, one of my best friends, when they're like 15. She knew this is it, that doesn't mean you're always happy that this was the life and also like you want the pension you're staying until 42. That's the deal. And subs is gnarly, can't tell anybody when you're leaving, when you're coming back.

There's no phone calls. There's maybe two phone calls in 10 months if you're actually underwater. Plain text emails maybe once a week when you surface, like there's no checking in.

There's not a lot of hey, did they get their medicine tonight? It's totally different, but there is this interesting [00:26:00] expectation difference, which is just like this is our life, you know. And it's not just like dad works late or mom works late or mom has to go to conferences every quarter and speak or attend or whatever it is. It's just like, this is it.

I mean, he missed most of their first 10 birthdays, you know? And they were like, we don't know any other life, which maybe is helpful, but also difficult.

There's no choice.

Claire: When I wrote that, I wrote that piece five years ago and that was pre COVID and I have to say, it depends on obviously whether, what kind of kid you have and what your life is like, but it gets so much easier, at least in my case, as they just get older, just in terms of they wipe their own ass, you know, sometimes they can fix their own breakfast, not doing daycare, not doing car seats, like the fact that they can take, just I'm so grateful to have, as much as I look back on the old pictures and videos. I'm like, what happened to the sweet little baby? Like you know, when you can say, go get your shoes on, just things like that, it does get so much easier. So if there's anybody listening to [00:27:00] this, who is like dying cause they are at home.

You know, with a spouse or a partner out of town and they're dealing with their little kid, that part does get easier, which I'm very thankful for.

Quinn: You know, my kids are on this summer swim team and I see it when we travel to when we were this family, three very small children, close in age, traveling across the country with so much shit because they're so small and bottles and breast milk and the whole fucking thing and diapers and shit up their back and you're in the family bathroom at the airport, but I see it, you know again these summer swim team families.

I got three young kids and they're trying to do it. There's this one mom and I forget, it's been like two seasons, I think their middle child is named Quinn and I always forget by the time the season starts. We had like a fundraiser the other night. And I'm sitting across the room and I hear their mom just go, Quinn!

Get over here! And I was like, Fuck! Fuck! Because I'm just so used to being in trouble and understandably so. And I was like, Oh no, that's a kid. But I also immediately am like, and I went and told her, I said, Look, this is probably just gonna make you annoyed. But it does get fucking easier. I understand. At [00:28:00] any given moment you're like, Are they dead? What are they doing? Should they be eating that? Why aren't they listening? This and that.

Claire: Yeah, I think, depending on the point of what you're going through, hearing unsolicited advice can go either way, but I think it's much better to say it gets better than to say you'll miss this someday.

Quinn: Oh, that's so fucked. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do that. Don't do that. I, again, will do things like that quite often. I'll be like, well, we've only got this one life. My wife's like, Jesus fucking Christ.

Claire: When will it end?

Quinn: Yeah, right. She's like, is it just one? Can it, can it stop now? Yeah. Yeah, tell me I don't have to do this again. Yeah, it's, it's a lot, man. But it is a funny thing that you really, again, don't, even the most full functioning family that might have grandparents around or even you know, affordable childcare or help or whatever it might be. If there's a child or multiple children or a parent or any combination of that, much less if you're also parenting your parents on an [00:29:00] even daily basis, like how much exponentially harder it is.

And again, part of it is our support systems are fucking terrible, but it's also just forget the logistics. Like it is so draining and you really, like you said, you're at work and you're like, Oh, Linda's fucking kid has bronchitis again. And you're like, yeah, that's probably killing Linda.

Claire: Yeah. She would rather be just typing emails for sure.

Quinn: A hundred percent. TPS reports. So talk to me about, this is the big one, dive in when you get home, what's the policy there now and how did you get there?

Claire: I mean , that one is not that hard. I mean, I'm thankful because my husband, to be fair, like I try not to guilt trip him while he's gone, you know, or make him think that he's a jerk when he comes back. But he does this his own way, but he comes home and he immediately does bedtime, you know.

Or he'll do the driving so I can just be done. There would be, sometimes there'd be a time where he'd come home from a trip or I hear about this from other spouses and they are tired [00:30:00] and it is let's say blue balls where you're like, there is a fully functioning other parent there and they're not doing anything and it's even worse because now you have to talk to them when their stuff is there and the kids, their energy might be thrown off.

So if you can help it, get home and do your shit. And if you can't help, then be gone. You know, lock yourself in the bedroom, make yourself a non presence, but if you can't help and you're there it's almost worse than nothing. So, you know, I sadly have friends whose spouses are kind of helpless, you know, man children and they cannot dive in, but I'm thankful that I have a husband who, I mean, the bar is so low, sorry to say, but you know, that he does the damn thing and he'll take them out to dinner right away so I can clock off and, you know, watch Antiques Roadshow and do a crossword puzzle or whatever it is that, you know, my tiny little life, that gives me meaning.

So, that I think is just what parents want is just to, just have a break, just be done for a second. So if a parent comes home and they're not dying of jet lag, to just be ready to dive [00:31:00] in and not complain about it. Don't critique what the house looks like. Just get in and, you know, you'll all catch up as you all reacclimate to each other. I mean, how do you guys?

Quinn: Yeah, it's I mean, as usual, she's a better, well, I mean, bar none, like a better person than I am and better parent, but I'll come back from again, guys weekend, heart rate doesn't get above 60 unless it's you know, reheating the lasagna. She'll be like, take it easy. Do you need anything? You know, take your time. I'll take the kids. Easy entry. And I, again, I'm cognizant of it. She comes back in. I try not to be like, best of luck. But at the same time, I again, I want to acknowledge like they, I'm sure they appreciate it. We have some really nice times when she's gone and it is good dad time. And we really do to connect and all this stuff. But I mean, when she comes back, it's you know, Bieber walking in the door, they're fucking pumped. Like they don't want, they're like, we made it, we survived Dad 2025.

And I get that man. And so whatever the happy [00:32:00] bridge is, I try to be like, give mom a few minutes to unpack and take a moment and hop in the shower or something like that. You need a minute. It's the whole when you go on vacation and then you need another day before you go back to work, take a minute, but then you're excited to see them too.

And then they do something annoying and you're like, why did I come back?

Claire: Yeah. No, I come back from things, cause I like, I don't take work trips so much anymore. So when I do go away, it's usually for socializing. So it's hard to justify to me that after my weekend, you know, dancing around a fire with my friend, like that I need quiet time. So I do, I will be, you know, kind of be like, in the car being like, I got to put the kids to bed, but just be like, well, he's been doing it for three days for, you know, quote, unquote free so I got to get into it and do it with a smile, you know, or at least not a grimace and not, you know, bitch and moan about it. So I think just getting in that headspace of being ready to be a team player right away.

And also the sounds so dumb, but in terms of if you come home with a lot of shit and your spouse like activates with like stuff around the house. Like take your luggage, unpack right away, you know, [00:33:00] or move your luggage to the basement like because that is a weird transitional thing for some people, where someone comes home and you've been doing all this stuff and now all their physical stuff is there, you know, or the laundry is lingering in the laundry room for several days and you have to look at it, like just be mindful of kind of taking care of your, the evidence of yourself being there, like depending on what you know pisses people off and for me, because my kids just leave trails of junk behind them because they just have no mind for, they have no consideration for anybody else.

So, that can set me off where I've been like making sure everyone puts their shoes away, you know, or whatever. And then all of a sudden there's just you know, laundry explosion in the front hall because he, you know, is tired from that. So, you know, within reason, I am usually a complete fucking bitch, but sometimes not.

Quinn: But it's interesting. And again, you've been doing this, you've been with your partner for a long time and you've now had kids for a long time and you hope you learn some things and [00:34:00] the other side of that is also like owning your psychosis in some ways. So I get on a day to day basis, a ton of anxiety from stuff being all over the house. One child every day leaves a pair of underwear on like our one, like nice bathroom that guests, we don't have guests, but theoretically would use. Stuff everywhere. Or just like again, put your shoes in the shoe bin, not adjacent, in it, because it's right there.

It's so close. You're so close, any amount. And so applying that to like all of us coming back from a trip or me or even just my wife, they will not even be like out of the car yet. And I am unpacking and putting everything in the laundry because I'm like, I just gotta get this shit out of here.

It's better for me, or else I'm gonna bitch at everybody about their stuff. Their job is bring me your suitcase, and I'm gonna empty the whole fucking thing, and they're gonna go in the attic [00:35:00] before you even realize it. Because, otherwise, I'm just gonna be Mad Dad about it. And it's the same with her shit, where I'm just like, just give it to me.

Let me deal with it, because I know I'm crazy. Fully get it.

But also congrats, you're unpacked!

Claire: That is a really helpful thing for relationships. Like I think my husband said once and I remember doing this as he, the way he told me about it, helped me, but he's like to keep me from having to murder you, can you close the cabinets all the way? Cause I guess I would just leave them open like an inch.

And the way he phrased it was that it is not necessarily I'm doing wrong, but that it activates his own mental health issues. Like it was like I know I'm crazy, so help me not be crazy by doing this thing that makes me crazy.

Quinn: It goes a long way though, right? Owning your shit. Because again, kind of like how you grow up and you realize your parents are people and you're like, yikes.

Realizing you are people as well and again, you know, my wife was talking recently, a friend of hers had a breakup and you're kind of nitpicking like, Oh, this little thing he does drives me crazy.

And what if [00:36:00] it blooms into something else? It's like, you got to forget nine tenths of that shit. Because that's just life.

It's not that you have to settle, but there's that shit. But those things about yourself, same thing, where I’m like, I went from I really just need everyone in the house to flush the toilets. Everyone. To I'm just going to do it because it drives me fucking crazy. Like I can't yell at everybody all the time. Not fun for them. It doesn't feel good to me. So I'm just going to do it.

Claire: Yeah. Oh, yeah, we have so many things like that like how our kids like their bathroom is full of bath towels because for some reason they collect all the bath towels and they just drape them around their back and you know, I guess there is some universe where we find, like we put a hook on the wall or get some kind of hanger, but it's like in this economy, we don't have time for that. So we just, that's just where all the towels go to die. And I can't, you know, on top of everything, on top of the dog's foot and the kids ADHD medication and science fair you know, just not right now, and something else I've kind of come to just give up on myself is I [00:37:00] just run out of gas so fast at night.

And I've stopped kind of apologizing and feeling bad about it, but like I said, my husband and I used to do these catch up calls in the night of like, how was your day? And I just kind of would resent them because I'd get the kids into bed and be like I just want to eat my Trader Joe's pasta and, you know, watch, I don't know, Veep for the 37th time.

I don't really want to talk to this guy who, you know, through no real fault of his own, you know, got me pregnant. And so we kind of save it like, and I've sort of stopped wondering whether that's not romantic and that's just, I mean, do you guys do like a daily download catchup kind of thing?

Quinn: I really, seven thousand things I’ve struggled with and continue to, the number’s not at like 6999, like I have succeeded at one of them, I don’t even remember what it was, you know, talking to the kids, talking to myself, talking to my wife. It's funny. Because she and I were chatting last night and she's three hours behind and is everything she's doing out there like fun, press party, celebrating these years of hard [00:38:00] work and the world loving this thing.

And is that easier than with the kids, for sure. But also again, and I've always. known this and it was just the product of a bunch of different choices we both made over time, which definitely had its moments and now just is what it is. It's yeah, well, she's also like carrying the family on her back. So that's it. Like Wicked is, you know, that's our life. So it's less like, how are you romantic and more, Hey, thanks. Man, I got this, you know, and we really try, we're like, whatever, eight days in, nine days in. And we really tried to do the I'm not going to bother you with shit while you're gone type of thing, no outgoing calls, much less incoming. There was definitely, yesterday I called, no idea what her press schedule is or anything. Just called and was like, you got to deal with this motherfucker. Like I got nothing. And again, I understand, like you are working and you were doing the thing and it's great, but like this fucking guy it's not happening.

So, it's both.

Claire: It's still sometimes your kid, like you have to, I mean, that was one of the pieces that, like one of the [00:39:00] chunks of the article I wrote was just like acknowledging together that it's hard and not necessarily, I went, something my husband said early on with our kid was this baby is trying to break us up and we have to fight against him.

Quinn: Mm hmm. 100%. that might have been the thing that got me reading your blog, by the way. I was like, AHH!

Claire: And I think, I mean, my husband, I've had to really work on that because I've had to tell him over the years I have to just complain sometimes. And I'm not necessarily complaining about you. This is not a personal attack, but you need to let me, if I can't vent and process, like I'm going to be even more upset.

So don't apologize. Don't take it as a critique, just let it happen. You just let me complain, you know, and so we work on that. [00:40:00] My friend's husband is out of town and he sent her a picture of him in front of some stadium, who gives a shit, and it said show my kid. And she was like, I'm not going to fucking show him, you show him. Does she send you, and she's objectively doing more interesting stuff than many traveling spouses, but does she send pictures or whatever of show the kids this?

Quinn: Yeah, sometimes. I mean, they're getting to the point where they both care more than ever and just don't fucking care about us and our shit, however flashy it might be. And also for them remember how long time feels when you're a kid. Wicked's been going on since, you know, when the first trailer came out last Super Bowl.

They're like, we're good. We're good. We've got all the shit. We've done all the things. So, she will, but it'll be more like just trying to connect with them. We have this little dumb thing that's sweet where my daughter has like six stuffed dogs, different sizes, but they're all the same collection or something.

It started because we would go back and forth to the coasts and we got a duplicate and I fucked it up so [00:41:00] that it looked like the original and I put it in a closet just in case we ever needed it. Now she's got four of them, but my wife and I will take one of them on trips wherever one of us goes and

like take a picture of the dog wherever it goes. Whatever. I got a, did I get a, like a passport on Etsy for the dog? 100%. Like the whole thing.

But, I don't know. It's more shit like that. Mostly, honestly, and again they've got their little iPads and they can't text anybody else but us. It's literally the call that's coming in from inside the house. But it'll just mostly be outgoing texts, like complaining about me, or can I watch four more hours of Netflix? And she's like, sure. And I go, great. Why do we have a screen time password if you just say yes every time?

Claire: Our son, who is not always the brightest, for some reason, I don't know if your kids do this, he takes screen grabs of the video games he's playing and they go to the Cloud, so that's how we can tell if he's doing screen time when he's not supposed to, and my husband gets so mad because his memory's being taken up by all these shots of Madden for some reason.

But yeah, I've gotten, I've got a little bit better. Like my husband will send me a picture and they show the boys and I want to say, you fucking show them when you get back, you [00:42:00] know, but I just don't respond.

Quinn: Well, that's the thing. I've just realized nobody responds to me. They're, like, when I leave, it's, you remember how kids didn't have object permanence? They're all at that point, they're like, fuck that guy.

Let's take our time here. And so I'll be like, oh, look at this picture. Daddy swam seven miles in the ocean. They're like, don't care. Radio silence. And I'm like, good for them.

Claire: Yeah. We used to joke, we used to clown on my dad who was the sole breadwinner for the family, but he would travel a lot. And we used to joke that he probably thought that we were like, dad's gone. And, you know, like sitting there sadly without him there, you know, but yeah, when you're gone, you think that everyone misses you, but also you're gone.

So get over yourself. And that's your prize slash penalty for being gone is that people aren't really thinking about you unless it's like your spouse who's cursing you for missing the norovirus or the nosebleed or, you know, the dog. I remember once one of my proudest solo parenting times was when my husband was out in California and we had a, we [00:43:00] had the polar vortex and we had a frozen pipe and a baby. And I mean, I just remember being like, I did it. I did the damn thing. Like we, we got through it and we kind of had some friends over and it was like almost fun in a weird way.

And you just get through those little milestones together. So, yeah, my husband now is going, he has three trips planned. I'm not thinking about it. Something else that people bring up is they offer you the advice to just get a babysitter so you can go do things, which is like kind of a double edged sword.

Cause like getting a sitter, unless it's like your parents and they live right nearby and they don't need any extra advice, you know, or instructions, which is not the case with my parents. Like it's a drag getting a sitter sometimes for stuff. So it is not the same to just go about your life as it was, but yeah, he's going to be going away and whatever. We've gotten better at all this. Like you just sort of accept what you have to accept. And if the kid is sick, someone will probably be sick. It's fine. It's better than having a sick infant, which we've been through. I [00:44:00] was helping my neighbor nebulize her infant a couple of weeks ago.

And I was like, God damn it. Like it's so much better when you have a kid, you can just be like TV screen time. Okay. Here's some crackers. You're able to eat solids. Great.

Quinn: Here's 40 ounces of DimeTap. Finish it by tomorrow.

Claire: Yeah. So yeah, it has gotten a lot better, but I certainly, when my husband, he also, to his credit, he will put the kids to bed preemptively the days before he goes out of town as well.

So he kind of like buffers that, but for me, but I just don't, bedtime is not my favorite thing. So he will dive in with that, which helps out.

Quinn: Bedtime's hard. I mean, I try to be honest with them now where I'm like, guys, I really look, I'll make them feel bad, first of all. And I'll be like, I actually look forward to this all day, to seeing you guys and things like this, which again, like mistake on my part, expectations wise. But now I think they're of the age where I'll be like, you know that I'm fucking tired too, right? And I know that I tell you like you get to be tired. You don't get to be a dick. Yes, you're exhausted when you're brushing your teeth, but that's when you should be tired. It's that means you take, [00:45:00] all the fucking shit. I just sit there and I'm like, yeah, I'm fucking beat guys. Like I would like for this to be going better or for me to be handling it better. Or, for it to just be over, and everybody wins, and you go read your dragon book, and I go read my dragon book, and it's great.

Claire: Then we shake hands and turn out the light like, yeah, I know, well, I don't know. I am warned. I am told that I will miss this someday, but like my older kid, he's graduated from the whole bedtime song and dance. And so now we say goodnight. I mean, I've been reading him a book lately, and so we read a couple chapters, but like he'll walk into his room and he'll do whatever in there for a little while and then turn off the light, so I'm not singing to him.

I'm not doing things like that, and I guess I should be mourning it, but I'm not. I'm happy that, I'm like, good take care of yourself, put yourself to bed I know he's in the house, I know he's safe, I said goodnight to him, but no, I'm not really sad that I have just jettisoned 15 minutes of the routine I'm not, that's fine with me.

Quinn: [00:46:00] 15 minutes. What the fuck kind of magician are you?

Claire: Well, you know, he's the kid who used to head bang and he would bang his head so hard in his crib that he got a scab from it and have fun Googling that before you like, know yourself and know your kid and now he still does it and we joke about it and we can talk about it, but yeah, he's always been the good boy about bedtime, you know, doesn't need extra hand holding or whatever. So, yeah, I'm not really sad about that. And I am much more joyless when it's just us, there's just a lot more reading during mealtime, a lot more TV during mealtime, I will go away in my room and do my own thing.

And they don't seem to mind it. And you know, but it functions and I'm not really overthinking and there's a lot less resentment than there used to be, a lot more confusion and so it's gotten better, but we'll see, sports season is going to be upon us pretty soon. So the great coordinating of activities will be upon us.

So I'm sure there'll be a lot more anger.[00:47:00]

Quinn: I feel like that’s a whole good conversation like how are you handling transitions and this specific one versus the last one, which is different and you're different and you know. My oldest is similar with his bedtime routines now, and that's okay because I can still lean on the two younger ones a little bit and get my beak wet from those, little reading here and there, a little snuggling, and then I'm out of there. But it is going to go away and I'm like overly sentimental and already don't deal with time very well at all. But at the same time, sometimes he's like, Yep. Good night. Bye. I'll say I love you. And he goes, Yep. And I'm like, you know what, buddy, to myself. You should take that, because in preteen, that's pretty great. We'll take it, but it's a whole, I think that's a whole different thing,

Claire: Yeah, no. My son told me once, you don't need to sing to me. And I was totally like, fuck you, but also. Okay. Honestly. All right. Like I have moved past and this is my whole thing is just been like, you know what? It's okay. I don't like bedtime. That's not a, [00:48:00] it's not a crime. That's all right.

Like we're all in the house. We still have the same feeling of security, safety, contentment, relief, but that big day time makes you feel like you gotta, you know, love every minute of it and so, you know, if there's anyone out there listening who doesn't love that time, I'm here for you and you're not a bad person. At least I say so, as a bad person. I will tell you.

Quinn: Right, certified by a bad person. Yeah, no, it's no, you don't have to love every part of it. You don't have to leave. You don't have to love certainly being a single parent for whatever reason, or solo parenting, however much you have to, or a choice you have in it. Or why did my spouse or partner pick this fucking job?

Especially if it's a new one that they just willingly sign up for and they're like, great, I'm gonna have to travel every, or I have to commute, like real commute, three days a week. And you're like, oh, did you want to ask what that means for me or everyone else? It's a shit show. It's fucking hard.

You don't have to love it.

Claire: I will say [00:49:00] I've also learned not to be as much of a bitch as I, have wanted to be and my husband's, you know, it goes both ways where I, as much as I've told him I need to vent sometimes, I also know it's not very fun for him. He does film shoots. He's working with a big crew, a lot of equipment, and he is not gonna be able to help me if I just download to him that the kid just threw up and also got a nosebleed and the dog ran out the front door and almost got hit by a car and I, you know, like whatever, like that just makes him feel bad. And even though at the moment I might want him to feel bad just so I can feel not alone, like that doesn't help anything. So that is something that I've learned as well as just being like, know when it's helpful to express your frustrations.

Quinn: We're very lucky in that we don't have a version of hourly jobs where you get no leave, right? Or every hour I'm not at this job, I could lose it, or we are not being paid fucking egregious, like, 12 an hour or whatever it [00:50:00] is. So sometimes that's just it.

That's life, especially for a lot of folks, which is like, dad can't help. Mom can't help. She's working the second job. And some, my kids see their teachers working at retail in the summer and they're like, Oh, that's cool. She's there. I'm like, yeah, she doesn't fucking want to. And she also doesn't teach because she loves the money.

It's a shit show. But she has to, and that's the deal. But like you said, when you have the ability to step back and go, like when I called my wife the other day and said, talk to this motherfucker and you fix this problem, that is actually more effective than me just complaining. Because what are they, what are they going to do?

Claire: Right. Then you get mad. Yeah, exactly. Just putting a middle man of frustration in there. And you know, there's just more people who are pissed. Yeah, so when she gets home, how long until the next round begins? Or who, who leaves next?

Quinn: Yeah, she's leaving next. Again, she's gotten very good over the years. That everybody wins when I do leave so I get a lot of like you should plan a weekend with your friends [00:51:00] like as soon as possible and I'm trying to be better about that. But right now it's been so crazy. So she'll be home and then she leaves again in a couple weeks. She ended up getting a ticket to the Oscars. Very exciting. Yeah, I'm so happy she gets to be there. It seems like somebody else is gonna win Best Picture, but whatever. I mean again, this will for anything of her work, could she write five more things that go to these award things? Of course. Is that in her control?

No, not at all. So we're just trying to enjoy it. She'll leave again in a week and a half for that. And then, but that's three days. It'll be crazy. Good for you. Go do your shit. Celebrate. Have fun. After that is when I'm going to be like I'm going into the woods and I'm gonna need a minute, like so proud of you, so happy, like here's the schedule. Go get them. And I'm gonna really try hard not to fucking call from the woods and be like don't forget their soccer practice in an hour.

Claire: Exactly. Miss me yet? One last very trivial question, but I'm always just curious. When she is gone and it is you, what is your usual dinner [00:52:00] plan? Like, when you, it's just you, how do you feed the kids normally?

Quinn: It depends on, like you're talking about activities?

Claire: Just dinner, weeknight dinner after school. Yeah, what do you, are you more ordering in? Are you convenience foods?

Quinn: I'll try to order in twice a week. We have a couple children who are still very picky, which is something I'm definitely trying to let go of because God knows it kills me. So try to be particular about that. We try to do like a lot of leftovers. I try to do just like, Hey, here's the deal.

This is what's in the fridge and I'm going to take it out. I did hear an idea the other night. It's possible this was in your blog, which is like DYI night, essentially. Here's the deal. Kitchen's open from six to seven, go get ‘em. And that’s it. Cereal, counts. Everything counts. And I’m not responsible and it's fun for you. Great. But I don't know. I try to do, here's what we've got. Even if it's leftovers from takeout or whatever it is, this is what we have. I try to just only keep things in the house that we're totally fine with them eating, if not encouraging. And so a lot [00:53:00] of times I'll just be like, look around and tell me what we want to do.

Here's how much time we have to work with what we got. We're microwaving sweet potatoes. We're doing this, like this is what we got. I mean, the volume of frozen vegetables, which I cannot emphasize enough, is one of the greatest parenting hacks of all time. They are just as nutritious, if not more nutritious than the fresh stuff at the store. Cheaper, usually. And you can just keep them in your freezer forever. Microwaving that baby for four minutes in a little water, And there, that's half your fucking dinner. I mean, all the time. Peas, broccoli. So, it's a lot of that shit. Every time I'm like, Oh, you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna make our own veggie burgers tonight. It's a shit show. Why? What? Who's that? Who is that for?

Claire: I've learned that the hard way, like doing it to yourself of making a whole meal and to cook food and then to realize, joke's on you, you're washing these dishes that you just dirtied and you're putting them to bed, so I don't do that anymore, I don't cook a meal, like we, there's a lot of reheating, a lot of [00:54:00] soup, fish sticks big soft frozen pretzels if they dip that in peanut butter, that's protein to me, a baby carrot on the side.

Quinn: Like you're saying our fish sticks we've transitioned over time, but now, because we're monsters and mostly plant based there's a brand of plant based nuggets. And it's somewhere in Europe. They're called corn. QU. They're so fucking good. They're so fucking good. And I'll just get big bags and three nights a week I'm like, here's some protein. I don't know. And here’s your microwave vegetables. Eat it or don't. That’s as good as it's going to get.

Claire: One of my other not right now is, is that I like broke my stomach in the last month or two and I don't know how and I may have to start a routine of some restrictive food maps thing and I don't want to, I just, I'm so angry about, because it was things that were not bad for you, but it's like brussels sprouts and beans and broccoli and apples, things that I thought were healthy that apparently I just really don't have the time for this and I don't want to deal with it, but [00:55:00] also I cannot walk around looking like I'm 10 months pregnant when I'm not so, yeah, I'll figure that out. Whatever, just getting old is such a bad deal, you know, but anyway, grateful to be alive .

Quinn: But I do feel like if there's a takeaway from this conversation besides I promise it'll get easier and you got to commit to it getting easier for everyone involved, right? For the kids to not see you fighting about the shit, especially when someone walks back in the door, or you're going to leave and holding it against them.

Of course, there's always going to be shit. Letting go as much as you can. Like I think it's might be like the last headline in your article, just lower your and everybody's expectations. Proactively, like religiously, cause why? Who are you trying to impress?

Claire: Yeah, let it go. Don't think that you have to keep the house clean. Don't think that you have to show up to everything. You are welcome to cancel a lot of things. My friend Christina, one of my favorite things that she does that when her husband goes out of town, she takes him to the store and the kids can each pick out a fun box of cereal that they don't normally get to have and they [00:56:00] eat that.

I love that, you know. Or she said, some great advice I got from another reader was be the fun babysitter. Whatever, the babysitter, whoever comes and does all the shit that makes your kids look forward to it and be that parent, I'm often the not fun babysitter, but that's sometimes just being the babysitter is fine.

Quinn: Yeah, and, and honestly, you know, that's literally, you just repeated basically what my wife told me on the phone last night. She's like, you know, you could look at this as a fun time. And I try to, it's just, sometimes it's fucking hard. But same thing, like I was at the store with my kid the other night, and we were getting something.

And he goes, well, can we get these colorful Cheerios, and I was like, RED FOUR. We're not getting that. And I'm like, you could just say yes one fucking time. Like you could say yes one time, and do you know how tickled they would be? They'd be thinking about the box the whole way home.

Claire: And you know who benefits the most? You. Cause you're like, look at me.

Quinn:Yeah, fucking killing it.

Claire:When I'm like, we're going to McDonald's for ice cream because I thought of it and they're like, what's the gag? Like, where are we going? How many shots are we getting? And I'm like, nope, just your mom for once yeah, being a genius, whimsical[00:57:00] as fuck.